P-Eminem (PMnM)
A paragraph of requirements,
single laughs of the choir men, iron men, volunteer firemen,
executive higher men,
the guys who said hire em, then lower em the cash they need,
we'll take this monstrosity,
outa the box, no need to botox,
can't believe it, just leave it, plug n play, so they say,
i sit around all day, touch my thing and play,
don’t touch a thing, and we'll pay,
the look and the feel, the price is a steal, wrap it up, rapped on,
raptor rancor, wrap your ankles, stifle your anger,
rifle your danger, proffer the succor, now offer the sucker, cmon.
this bitch is a one-n-done, a wanton won-ton of cookie-fortune fun-fun,
sex me in the sun, son, after dark hit the park, park on the bench,
do this bitch in my sleepin after the girls with curls in my dreamin done with their screamin.
from the back room, i hear, oh baby...
What the f? what the scope? take your fat bad teeth and sing for the pope!
maybe we can make one change,
Exchange, rearrange, hold the champagne, the real pain, the reel to reel explains,
The look looks ok, but the feel feels like felt, now the look looks like shit, can't keep any of it,
No man we can't, no mendicant, no supplicant, no supple no subtle no tweaks no peeks,
its all got to go, then we need to add more, and then mo,
then a new place to store it, cant store crap in the sto,
can you, sir, can it sir, canister, plant it here, planet earth can't hold this much new shit,
designin zion, flyin blue-skyin,
but with no aero-plane, no parachute, no suit, no suitable land to land,
cryin in my boxed wine, my goldiloxed young women,
wild flummoxed red ones, re-done, re-wind, resign, or re-design and keep tryin,
from the back room, i hear, maybe...
fuck excel! my egg-cell has salmonella, sell me an enema,
lost all my sheets, my books, microsoft crooks,
the client in an hour, now I don’t even have power,
hes gonna kill me more,
was it a million, or 3 or 4, was it dollars or hours,
or yours or mine,
I gotta run, a post-it note number,
a make it up number,
take down my own dumber number back,
first a shot of jack make me warm and, i can at least feel a bit...number.
my team of number generators, gleen and ween a guesstimator hesitator,
my estimater-hater, issue-anticipator negater,
optimistic dollar and cent raper, bleed on my graph paper,
greed of my assumption berater, the gamecock bear-baiter,
the holier than mao mosque-hater,
wholly erstwhile steroid perpetrator,
roger wants clemency, jennife-r-word, the retard, more hennessey,
girl with a tattoo is draggin her ass,
the dragon test manager is always tapped last,
all While I take a wiki-leak, to prove my undying purity, my always-pryin maturity,
Eat pray and love away, all the oil in the gulf to stay,
all the assistance from the assistants,
all in the ass stance, the lap dance,
intern wannabes, internal sweater set GOPs,
palin, schlessinger les-bees, loveless love child,
childless true blood wild, enjoyin joran,
van der sloot, cant stand her no-name brandless suit,
trying to slander who, innocent bystanders, too,
in a sin tent, stoop low with a girl scout troop flow,
dead lines circlin overhead, alive and kickin at us,
more mathematics,
my manual something beats your auto-sum nothing,
add-on formula, complex variables, circular reference, my preference,
my expression is a very able form of numbness,
i issue a rough order of plenitude, a rush order of magnitude,
not enough numbers in the universe, or worse,
adjust, then re-adjust, a low-numberless lust,
hello buttonless bust,
reaffirm, confirm, kind of firm,
hire the ex con firm, they havent conformed, continue, contentious, all drunkard and tenuous,
pay a hundred the same as ten o' us,
the hardline minimum wage, soft as wet soap if theyre in a cage,
pay em overseas, too, more overhead to oversee, for you, overtly be a virtual me,
a vulture of teams, rows of assets to ream,
waitin for the project to die, askin how much not the why,
ever so slightly, increasin the r on the i.
from the back, i hear, oh geez
Excel, exhale, exhume, excuse the f outa me,
now get the f outa MY conference room, see-
I need a sign out front? a guard, a lock on the door? messin with my team of low-price hi-tech whores?
Paid consultants, contractors, don’t care who they hack for, dont know where they from exactly,
Speaky the en-glayche, just sit in your cache, me breaky the glayche in case if'n I need-ya, capiche-a?
you do the needful, while I do the Gleeful,
Run you outa town before bonuses come around,
Maybe call you next weekend, if my teams all weak, an' what color my next geekin?
work for more or less, or on who or whatever, I tell ya,
get off your back, leave out the back, don’t come back, your moneys on the dresser.
from the back, i hear, si si
Sick signals, stick symbols,
Visio ho’s and horrific schedules,
Six sigma,
six pack of abs and nice-to-haves,
like weekends and holidays, a thing of the past,
a blue ribbon for drinkin so much pabst, pitchers of mgd, yuengling and bass,
code and unit test, diagrammed construction, precision instruction,
you hit your due dates and i hit my two dates, reviewing her rear view, from my cubicle purview,
review your code later, another intern to dater, today her, to stay and slay then spray her,
my monday morning quarter back is half in the sack ridin all your test script writin chick pack,
your friday's status, like youre mad-at-us, matador of code, mat of whores of old,
sat on us, come n stay and play, and saturday, work a lil late.
no time for testing, for besting, we trust in you,
like a u-s dollar, a greenback, a wetback, it fails, give you a holla,
avatar special effects, smoke test the smoke and mirrors the best,
we're all james cameron, same scammer on,
these are features not my defections, put on your glasses to see all the dimensions,
preachers sermon disinfects, disaffects, distracts, keep tracks, dock your pay,
go away, get another name, come back the next day, you all look the same.
get that shit out the door,
don’t wanna see it no more,
give me one more full pour,
then give the reins to Support.
from the back, i hear, oh gawd no, please
wheres my bonus, on time, overtime,
overpayed, got laid, under,
run over by the project life cycle,
an icicle in my eye, sickle to my spine,
you shove it, you can budget, but you can't budge me,
awards, a war, worst words of the sponsors, or enemies,
now for the upgrade, we're too late, the market tanked,
dutifully thanked,
thankfully spanked,
end users pranked, they eat love and prayed all day,
the old system would stay, anyway.
from the back, i hear, so...my annual increase?
